When Leadership Becomes Toxic—How to Recognize and Resist It
Another leader.
Another casualty.
Another story of someone pushed out of an organization who fails to cultivate capacity. These folks systematically crush it. This week, a friend shared their experience—talented, well-trained, called to serve—only to be discarded, left questioning their abilities, their calling, even their faith. It's a story I know all too well.
I’ve spent a large of my career in organizations where hierarchy and control weren’t just leadership strategies—they were the unspoken laws of survival (our current organizations are not this way at all, and we’re grateful that!) In the hierarchical system, there are two temptations:
Claw your way up the ladder, play the power game in an environment where leadership hoards rather than shares. The problem? My previous organization refused to cede any power to younger leaders—ensuring the same aging hands indefinitely gripped the reins (Boomers rule there to this day).
Surrender. Accept that nothing will ever change, resign to being a cog in the machine. “Quiet quit” or leave entirely.
Neither of these options offer growth, purpose, or a future. Leadership that seeks power but refuses to cultivate growth in others is not just flawed—it’s toxic.
It isn’t leadership. It’s failure.
Recognizing Toxic Leadership: The CONTROL Framework
Toxic leadership is not always obvious from the outside, but for those under its grip, the effects are deep and it often follows predictable patterns. As tool for recognizing toxic leadership in an organization, I like to use the CONTROL framework—six key red flags signaling something is deeply wrong in an organization.
C—Control & Coercion
Toxic leaders micromanage every aspect of their team’s work they possibly can, isolating themselves and the team from outside influence, while demanding unwavering loyalty. This environment is oppressive.
What to listen for:
“I have to check with my leader before I do anything.”
“We’re not supposed to talk to people outside the organization about team problems.”
“Protect The Machine”
The generative alternative: Generative leaders empower their teams to make decisions, training and then trusting their expertise and judgment.
O—Overwork & Overreach
A toxic system is fueled by exhaustion. Workers are pushed (or feel they should push themselves) beyond reasonable limits, sacrificing health and relationships for the “sake of the mission.”
What to listen for:
“We’re expected to be ‘all in’ all the time.”
“I haven’t had an actual day off in months.”
The generative alternative: Sustainable, generative leadership recognizes people are not machines—they need rest, balance, and margin.
N—No Accountability
Toxic leaders operate without oversight. There is no system in place to address concerns, and those who question authority are divisive and "not team players".
What to listen for:
“There’s no real oversight.”
“If I complain, I’ll be labeled as the problem.”
"You're not a team player."
A generative alternative: Generative leaders welcome accountability and correction, recognizing that leadership without checks and balances is dangerous.
T—Trepidation
People under toxic leadership often operate in survival mode. Speaking up comes at a cost. Silence is a matter of self-preservation.
What to listen for:
“If you challenge the boss, you get shut down.”
“I feel like I have to be perfect or I’ll be in trouble.”
The generative alternative: Generative leaders create environments of trust and psychological safety, where team members freely voice concerns and contribute ideas.
R—Role Confusion (Hero, Buddy, or Micro-Manage)
Unhealthy leaders oscillate between three dysfunctional leadership styles:
Hero-Managers: Doing everything themselves, refusing to trust others with responsibility.
Buddy-Managers: Blurring professional boundaries, leading to favoritism and poor accountability.
Micro-Managers: Controlling every detail, leaving the team disempowered.
⠀What to listen for:
“Our leader does everything themselves—there’s no trust.”
“My leader is my best friend, but now I feel trapped.”
The generative alternative: Generative leaders set clear roles, delegate effectively, and empower others to step into leadership.
O—One-Way Communication
In toxic environments, leaders talk but don’t listen. They ignore or diminish feedback, and questioning decisions is rebellion.
What to listen for:
“We’re not allowed to question decisions.”
“I don’t feel heard.”
The generative alternative: Generative leaders foster open, safe dialogue, seeking wisdom from their teams and creating space for honest feedback.
L—Legalism & Loss of Identity
Rigid structures, excessive rules, and an emphasis on compliance over character and gratitude over creativity, are telltale signs of toxic leadership. In these settings, people lose themselves in the organizational machine.
What to listen for:
“It’s all about following the rules, not relationships. People are not important.”
“I feel like I have to prove my worth all the time.”
“Just agree and be grateful”
The generative alternative: Generative leadership prioritizes people over policies and values growth over strict adherence to arbitrary rules. Whether spoken or unspoken, grace is a core value. The right people with the right strengths are doing the right things.
Generative Leadership is the Better Alternative
Toxic leadership creates environments where people wither on the metaphorical vine, but Generative Leadership builds an ecosystem inside of organizations where people thrive. It is never about hoarding power. A generous leader will always be giving power away. A culture of generative leadership fosters an environment where creativity, trust, and accountability have more value than fear and control.
Generative leaders:
Empower others rather than restrict them.
Cultivate trust rather than demand obedience.
Model humility rather than seek dominance.
Encourage rest rather than exploit effort.
"The leader must be first to show what he teaches, not by words, but by deeds; not by commanding, but by example."
John Cassian (Conference 14, Chapter 9)
Leadership is never self-preservation. It’s investing in the next generation so the mission continues long after we are gone. Organizations who fail to recognize this will not just struggle—they will eventually collapse under the weight of their own control.
For a better future, we must build something better.
Toxic leadership is not an abstract issue—it is real, it is destructive, and it is everywhere. But there is hope.
When we recognize the signs, we can call it out, whether it be in others or ourselves. When we move past control-based leadership, we make room for something better.
When we choose generative leadership, we choose growth, health, and a future worth leading toward.
What kind of leader do you want to be?
One more thing:
If you recognize yourself here—if you’re stuck in a toxic leadership environment and wondering if there’s a way out—get help. You are not alone. There are people who can help you navigate your next steps toward health and freedom. (Growability Coaching might be something to consider.)
A book which helped me heal from toxic leadership is Leadership and Self-Deceptionby The Arbinger Institute, challenging the way I viewed leadership, relationships, and myself. It’s always easy for those who have been abused by power to become abusers themselves. This book helps avoid that issue.
“Self-deception blinds us to the true cause of problems, and once we’re blind, all the ‘solutions’ we can think of will actually make matters worse.”
From Leadership and Self-Deception by the Arbinger Institute
Own and address your issues.
When you do so, you will not be the problem.
And you are doing better than you think.
