Those Tough Team Conversations

Trust builds the foundation for every successful team.

Successful teams also measure performance. (See yesterday’s XY chart).

We should be self-aware enough to recognize that people aren’t as impressed with me as I am with myself.

This is a common cognitive bias that runs rampant on most teams. I assume I can make great decisions, shoot straight, and to get along with everybody. The reality is others don’t perceive me the same way.

Overly-optimistic self impressions on a team lead to misunderstandings at a minimum, complete dysfunction if carried to an extreme. Here’s what I recommend.

1. Be clear about your common vision.

When community building, this should be priority one. A vision bigger than your team is essential and foundational. Lack of clarity here results in people pursuing their own agendas. What is the goal? What are the tangible results? How are we going to make the greatest difference?

2. Be clear that you care.

This starts with the leader. If team leaders do not show that they care about the people on the team, trust erodes. When trust is thin, people protect themselves. They put up defenses, often in the form of cognitive biases. This isn’t about touchy-feely woo-woo. If your team doesn’t believe you care about them personally, they will not trust you. Without trust, you never get the right to speak into their lives effectively.

3. Be candid in your critiques

I hate conflict. But the only way to disseminate cognitive bias and other dysfunctions in a team situation is to be direct. If common vision and personal care happen on a team, this part is easier. If there isn’t, it’s extremely difficult.

I like to frame difficult conversations like this:

Here’s what I like about (you, this, etc,).
Here’s my concern about (you, this, etc.).
Here’s what I suggest.

This is better than the compliment sandwich. (You're great! I hate this. But you’re great!) It’s still positive, but direct. There's something helpful for moving forward.

Self-awareness and leadership is tricky. Leaders easily deceive themselves, just like everyone else. But a team that can have tough conversations around this issue will ultimately thrive.