It’s a lost art. We are taught a mindset of “do”. Act. Be bold. Get it don.e

And that’s not bad. It’s necessary.

But don’t confuse bold action with critical thinking. The best way to think critically is to be always learning. The best way to learn is to ask questions.

And to ask good questions.

This takes conscious practice, like guitar playing, or writing, or high jumping, or anything else you want to get better at.

Next time you’re in the room with someone (a boss, a coworker, a friend, a spouse, or a child) ask questions. Have no other agenda.

Most people want the opportunity to tell their story.

I used to put that differently. I used to say “most people love to talk about themselves.” But I find that too negative and a tad demeaning. It feels like I’m putting a motive on folks. Most people do want to tell their story. Or, more precisely, most folks need someone to listen to their story. To be listened to is a rare gift.

Remember that people process differently.

Not everyone is a verbal processor. It’s easy to ask questions of those folks. They are quick to respond. No uncomfortable silences. Internal processors are different. They think before speaking. Give them time to do that. Be okay with some silence after asking a question. Because they are running through scenarios in their head and that takes a minute. Silence is not uncomfortable for them. It’s helpful. Conversational margin brings a richness to these interactions.

Never ask a question that can be answered with a single word.

Obviously, yes/no questions are out. But also things like “what’s your favorite color?” or “Tell me your favorite book” would also not cut it. Rephrase to “What are some of the things you’ve been learning from your reading lately? “ This takes practice.

Don’t interrupt.

I admit. I’m terrible at this because I am a verbal processor and there is an internal sensor inside of me that tells me I’ll lose a thought if I don’t say it out loud. Suppress that tendency (if that tendency is yours).

Asking and listening is a part of serving. It keeps ego at bay. I don’t have the answers. I can’t fix all the problems.

Collective wisdom serves us well. Leaders draw it out.